Every word I write is love, knowledge of my soul's mind expressing truth.- Me

Thursday, December 16, 2010

God's Gift

A heavy tear slides down her cheek, the words of a prayer etched inside as it follows the lonely path downwards.

Her heart is weary, the dust on her feet weighing her down like they were dried in concrete.

The hopes of her dreams die and shrivel like a flower cut from its stem and left in the sun too long.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust," she whispers as the remnants float away like specks of dust in the wind.

The human promises of lasting love had left her heart-broken and disappointed.

So many times she'd spent crying over what should have been, placing so many hopes on everlasting love that didn't come true.

The bitter cold of the late December night only freezes what remains of her heart.

A heart without a home, a soul without faith.

This is what life had given to her.

The barren winter landscape beyond the glass only intensified the bleakness inside her.

Tired of trying, tired of struggling.

All she wanted was to disappear and forget all the sufferings of her heart.

The frosted window gave no warmth as she rested her head against it.

The desire to be something, someone, had fizzled out like the fire in the hearth.

Just like the coals, her failures burned red and deep in the bottom of her heart, scarring the already scarred flesh there.

Happiness was a thing of the past, and all she wanted was to leave this world.

The tear, halfway down her cheek now, became bigger as it gathered more moisture;

The prayer inside it growing substantially as it continued its downward trek.

Beyond this realm, God looked at His beloved child and felt her pain.

As the girl's tear reached her chin and started to fall, He caught it upon his finger.

In His presence it glistened with the light of a thousand suns.

The prayer inside the tear He read with an understanding heart.

With a magic only He possesses, he blew on the tear, causing it to break apart into a shower of stars and sparkles.

The windowsill is flooded with tears and the girl stares at her stark reflection in the mirror.

With a sudden cry she watches as stars streak across the sky, the North star glowing ever brighter all the while.

"Don't give up." A warm voice whispers into her ear.

Shaking with awe she looks down at the windowsill she hadn't realized she'd been clinging to.

The place where her liquid sorrows had landed, there sat the most beautiful white feather she'd ever seen.

Fingers reaching out slowly, the downy softness of the feather filled her with a warmth and love she'd never felt before.

Despite all the hardships and hurt, suddenly she knew that everything was going to be ok.

All thanks to a single tear, a prayer that God Himself had seen to answer.

Filling a young heart with a hope she'd thought lost.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

All She Ever Wanted

Shivering, she closes her eyes and pulls the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

It does nothing to warm the coldness inside her heart.

A burst of wind sends the last of the fall leaves floating to the ground.

Even the trees are barren, she thinks sadly.

Eyes red and swollen, are the only signs of her unhappiness.

She'd become an expert at hiding her sadness.

The world saw a smiling, happy girl- not the desperately empty person she really was inside.

Glaring at the first visible stars through the dark gray clouds- she put some of the blame on them.

Her wishes had never come true.

No happily ever after.

No fairy god mother to turn her into a beauty.

No prince charming to capture her love.

The stars had remained balls of burning gases that let her down.

Her dreams and excitement for life had been cut short by the reality of doing what she had to do instead of what she would have done to be happy.

The lies he'd told had led her to trust no one.

His unfaithfulness caused her to not believe in love.

She made it through each day with an ebbing numbness inside.

Like she was just sleep-walking through this life.

All she ever wanted was a good man.

A man to be faithful and honest.

His heart would rise and set to her each day.

His kisses would always be filled with passion.

He would love her despite all her flaws.

Racking her brain, she tried to remember the last time she'd felt like a woman and not an object.

She couldn't.

This love had meant giving up all that she was and would ever be- to just skin and bones existing.

Pieces of herself had fallen away, leaving nothing but an empty shell of a hardened heart.

With a strange calm, she somehow knew that this was just a long goodbye.

A whisper of wind blew a tiny speck of moisture at her.

Wonder filled her as she noticed it had started to snow.

The dark clouds above had opened up.

Fat snowflakes floated down gently, landing on her body as if they were miniature kisses from God.

The hurt and loneliness that had been her constant companion melted with the snowflakes against the heat of her skin.

In the quiet darkness she swore she heard the sound of wings.

Holding her arms out she twirled, praying on every snowflake-

Knowing that no two were alike.

Maybe where the stars had failed, the snow would succeed.

It had a magic all its own.

As they melted, they became a part of her.

All I ever wanted, she thought, was to be free to find the love I deserve.

Snowflakes falling softly, the promise of something better makes her smile, and a small piece of her soul comes back to her as the wind quietly whispers miracles in her ears.

Too Late

The scent of roses hang heavily in the air.

A sense of joyful anticipation goes through the crowd.

Everyone is waiting.

From the very last pew in the farthest corner I sit, my stomach in knots.

The coldness from the hard wood seeps into the rest of my body.

My hands are clammy, twisting the strap of my purse as I sit there.

Every seat is filled with strangers- people I could have known.

The music starts and everyone rises- smiles on their faces.

Usually when the music starts you're supposed to look at the bride.

Not me.

My eyes are focused on the groom.

My breath catches and my heart shatters into a million pieces as I look at him.

The golds and blues from the stained glass windows behind him sets his happy aura afire.

I cover my mouth with a Kleenex to mute the sound of agony escaping my lips.

But the music is so loud no one would have heard anyways.

The love and glistening of happy tears sparkles in his eyes as he watches his love float towards him- a vision in white.

He doesn't know I exist.

It wasn't easy keeping my love a secret from him.

I knew he was my soul-mate the moment we met on the playground at age five.

Through the years I waited, knowing that someday we'd be together forever.

But the words "I love you," came way too late.

Tears stream down my face as the lovers join hands and their vows are spoken.

I feel lower than low, my heart raw from the pain.

A chorus of applause goes up as the couple faces the congregation.

My dreams evaporate- disappearing like the smoke from the unity candle.

I was too late now-

No way to redeem myself.

My vision blurs as he walks past.

A slight flicker of his eyes in my direction and I knew he'd seen me.

And just like that, like the sun shining in through the windows-

He was gone.

Leaving darkness and heartache in his wake.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Lying With Lonely

She cries herself to sleep at night.

Knowing living this way just isn't right.

She knows she's not the girl she used to be-

But her soul cries out, wanting to be free.

Once upon a time she dreamed of a man coming to her rescue on a big white horse-

But that is just a fairy tale, of course.

All she ever wanted was an honorable man, someone strong-

Who would tell her his arms was where she belonged.

A man to kiss her, hug her, hold her tight-

Instead of making her feel lonely every night.

Her pillow, soaking wet with tears-

Only points out her heart's worst fears.

That man she dreamed of long ago-

Has since turned into someone she doesn't know.

The moon catches a tear as it shines through the glass-

Illuminating the hurts of the past.

She pulls the covers up over her heart-

Knowing that with her dreams she must part.

If only, if only to die from a broken heart-

Maybe then, in another life, she would get a brand new start.

Lying in bed with a stranger only makes you blue-

For all those dreams, that didn't come true.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Moonlit Mists

The bitterly cold wind whips her thick chestnut curls about her face.

Miniature streams of moisture course down her cheeks like lazy rivers.

To a stranger's eye, the tears would be described only as a cause of the cold wind blowing into her face.

No one would actually know they are tears of a broken heart.

Arms wrapped around herself-her only comfort, she cries for the loss her heart has endured.

Memories of him pass through her mind like a swirling fog- nothing seems clear anymore.

Looking down she notices the blades of grass shining like pillars of sparkling diamonds.

It only reminds her of the captivating light in his eyes she once saw.

The moon hanging full and low, almost touchable in its splendor, reaches out with its incandescent arms to caress her face.

But tonight, she is numb to the charm.

She'd been lying in bed, forcing her mind to stop thinking about him.

That's when the moon had shown through the curtains.

Under it's control, she had come outside to see what secrets the orb would reveal.

What an interesting thing- to be caught up in the moon's power.

Even the stars can't resist her- all vying for spots as close as they can get to her.

She shivers, her skin pale, eyes red-rimmed and puffy from lack of sleep.

Silently she curses her fickle heart for not being able to say goodbye.

Every night the moon beckons to her, awakening those memories she tries so hard to push down deep inside.

But like the sweeping fog of the early morning, his memory hangs about her.

In her mind's eye she can see him, but as soon as she reaches out, he disappears with a mocking laugh.

Sleep is pointless when the moon is always there to remind her that the moment her eyes close- there he'll be.

Always lurking in the moonlit mists of her dreams.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Lonely Night

The lonely sigh escapes her lips.

She's thankful it's only echoed by the darkness around her.

Once again she finds herself unable to sleep.

It's as if the moon holds some kind of power, keeping her awake as the rest of the world slumbers.

Loneliness covers her like a blanket, its tattered edges hanging at her feet.

Funny, how her mind can be so alive this time of night.

Not for the first time she wonders if she's the only one who suffers in this way.

It's almost as if her brain is allergic to the sun- becoming foggy and empty.

But as soon as the moon's light reaches her, covering her in its luminous glow, suddenly thoughts and emotions come rushing.

Almost like a mighty dam breaking, spilling its contents.

Stars come out one by one as a tear trails down her cheek.

Knowing you've wished on every star is depressing.

She always winds up hoping one more will appear that she hasn't wished on.

Remembering the happy time he was in her life before the bottom fell out makes her smile for a moment.

Why does friendship have to be so complicated?

Now the emptiness of his absence just makes her feel as if she's incomplete in some way.

Damn the luck of life moving on as if losing a friend was just a trivial matter of little consequence.

It seems saying "I'm sorry," is too much to ask.

Crickets serenade her as the midnight breeze flows through her hair.

Pushing all the old memories down, she locks them away in that small part of her heart.

Only the moonbeams have the power to unlock those memories.

Giving up, another sigh slips through because she knows tomorrow night will be the same.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Cherry Blossom Angel

Alone in the darkness I stand.

I inhale deeply and the scent of earth after a good rain invades my senses.

Looking up, the domed veil of blackness is alight with thousands of glittering orbs.

Full and luminescent the moon shines tonight.

I look down into the valley and smile to myself when I hear the hint of the rushing river down below.

The limbs of the cherry trees around me dance a slow tune with the breeze.

In the silence i hear the voice of an angel.

My eyes close- dare I hope?

I turn, and there he stands, as if Nature's music lead him to me.

Slowly he comes closer until he's but a breath away.

Sure this is an angel, for the moon's light has given him a white halo.

His voice is soft and deep as he whispers my name.

I reach out slowly and touch the smooth sheen of his golden cheek.

Soft as an angels' feathers.

Bright blue eyes reach out to me and I drown in their depths.

His strong arms surround me and my knees weaken.

Leaning in to me, his lips touch mine, softly clinging as if even they know we are meant to be one.

The wind picks up and I look up and laugh as thousands of pink cherry blossom petals fall toward us.

The alluring aroma swirls around us like tendrils of hair flowing in the wind.

My breath catches when I look into your eyes and see love shining there.

"Fly with me," he whispers as his lips touch mine once more.

Up I go, into the light and wonder he makes for me.

Into forever we go, with cherry blossom petals and sparkling stars to guide us.